Dear Mom,

Today you’re gone and yes, I know it’s been 12 years since I broke my neck, but I swear it was just yesterday that I looked up at you as the medics were rushing me into surgery. I was frantically asking you if Jess and the kids were okay, assuring you we were all wearing our seatbelts and I was driving safe! I remember being so worried you wouldn’t believe me for some reason. I was telling the God honest truth though! I’m so glad you got to see for yourself that It was later discovered through the remnants on the car and the evidence at the crash site, but the driver side rear tire blew out. This intern caused us to lose control and roll several times

Today you’re gone and yes, I know I was 10 and it’s been 26 years since I slam dunked my basketball hoop and it fell over on my hands, pinching them between the rim and the asphalt road. I came running in the house with tears in my eyes and blood dripping from my fingers. You used hydrogen peroxide to clean my hands and I remember being completely shocked… I was shocked because as you poured the hydrogen peroxide over my knuckles, my 10-year-old self screamed f#$k because it’s stung so bad! You didn’t even skip a beat, no reaction, you didn’t get mad, you didn’t laugh, you didn’t even take a deep breath, it’s like you didn’t even hear it, I remember being so puzzled LOL.

Today you’re gone and yes, I know it’s been 24 years, but I still see it so clearly. It was me, you, and your orange 5-speed Ford BRONCO II that ran like crap because of the sticky choke. You were teaching me how to drive for the first time. We were behind our house in the field. I started out no problem and before I knew it, I was cruising around the field at the top end of first gear. This was the first time I drove a vehicle and to top it off it was a stick. Oh my goodness I was absolutely feeling all the feels. I remember feeling like I was God or the coolest person on Earth, I was excited, overwhelmed, confused, slightly scared, intimidated, worried, proud, and so much more. I was a 12-year-old boy that had never experienced so much control so much power so much exhilaration. I was absolutely going as fast as that thing would go in first gear. I just know you had to have been struggling to get through my thoughts and emotions, you were yelling, you need to shift, you need to shift, shift into second gear. That’s when everything almost went South, I’m at the top end of first gear just blazing a path through our ungroomed field… Our house on one side, an old out building on the other side, and a big tree right in the middle. I remember finally hearing you telling me I need to shift and instinctively I looked down at the gear shifter like I was supposed to watch it go into second gear instead of paying attention to where I was going. For about .05 seconds I looked down at the shifter and the next thing I know you are yelling stop, stop, stop! I looked up, and quicker than I could say oh my God, you had already turned the engine off and jerked the wheel. We chugged to a stop with the engine off, transmission in gear, and both my feet hard on the break not once thinking about pushing in the clutch to stop. I never did drive that Bronco again, in fact mom, I didn’t drive a stick again until I was 20 years old. I forced myself to buy a standard from a used car lot. Signed all the papers and drove away, the car lot never had any clue haha.
Today you’re gone and yes I know you’ve been doing it for about 22 years, but you always trusted me and allowed me to work on and repair your vehicles. Not too many mothers trust their 13, 14, 15, 16-year-old son enough to let them just go replace their water pump, change the spark plugs, do an oil change, and even swap out the brake pads. I remember one time I dropped your fuel tank and replaced your fuel pump at 15 years old. You gave me responsibility and it wasn’t until now that I realized… It’s that responsibility that made me the knowledgeable leader I am today! You weren’t the kind of parent that only gave her children responsibilities they hated, important or not… Like mowing the lawn, doing the dishes, scrubbing the bathroom, wiping the walls, or sweeping and mopping. You were instead, a mother that understood some responsibilities or more enjoyable than others and that some responsibilities are also a Rite of Passage. You would mix a few of the responsibilities we hated with a few of the responsibilities we didn’t mind. Every time we proved ourselves, you always gave us a little more responsibility, trust, and privilege! doing it for about 22 years, but you always trusted me and allowed me to work on and repair your vehicles. Not too many mothers trust their 13, 14, 15, 16-year-old son enough to let them just go replace their water pump, change the spark plugs, do an oil change, and even swap out the brake pads. I remember one time I dropped your fuel tank and replaced your fuel pump at 15 years old. You gave me responsibility and it wasn’t until now that I realized… It’s that responsibility that made me the knowledgeable leader I am today! You weren’t the kind of parent that only gave her children responsibilities they hated, important or not… Like mowing the lawn, doing the dishes, scrubbing the bathroom, wiping the walls, or sweeping and mopping. You were instead, a mother that understood some responsibilities or more enjoyable than others and that some responsibilities are also a Rite of Passage. You would mix a few of the responsibilities we hated with a few of the responsibilities we didn’t mind. Every time we proved ourselves, you always gave us praise a little more responsibility, trust, and privileges!
